While The Bat's Away : The Substitute
by echopapa
Summary: A Daria The Green Lantern Story. Selina Kyle is bored, and decides to take a little trip.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: This story runs concurrent with the storyline in_ Basic Training_; while I originally conceived it as complete in itself, I intend to link it to the other story in the future. For now, though, enjoy!**

While The Bat's Away...

The curtains of the darkened Gotham apartment window rustled briefly, marking the entrance of a shadow. After pulling the curtains closed, the shadow quietly crossed the room; a moment later, a lone table lamp was lit, revealing a cat-suited figure . Reaching up with her right hand, Selina Kyle pulled off her cowl and night vision goggles, revealing a full head of shoulder length black hair.

The Catwoman peeled out of the rest of her costume, donning a terrycloth robe as a blue-gray cat suddenly appeared, which proceeded to dart back and forth between her legs as she went to run her shower.

"Mommy is glad to see you too, Isis, but I've been out all night and you really don't want to be around me until I've showered."

Isis stopped at that dreaded word and decided to stand vigil at the bathroom door until her mistress finished with all of that water foolishness. She listened as Selina continued speaking to her over the steam. "I know that I haven't kept you company like I should, but after noticing that the Bat hasn't been around much lately - probably busy with his little super friends - I couldn't pass up this opportunity to prowl, even with his two little birds covering for him trying to keep up appearances. A Cat can always tell, you know."

The shower stopped, and moments later Selina stepped out of the bathroom, retying her robe. She wrapped a towel around her hair, then followed Isis into the kitchen, knowing that she would get nothing else done until she tended to her cat's appetite.

After feeding Isis, Selina returned to the bedroom and sat down at her computer, deciding to check her usual sites before turning in for the night. She noted a Gotham Gazette article reporting that Carmine Falcone had purchased the old Finger warehouse on the East Side; she decided to keep an eye on it. Knowing Falcone, he'll eventually put some baubles in it she could relieve him of.

On a whim, Selina decided to check her eBay favorites. If she could be said to have a secret vice, she thought, it would have to be thrill of seeing something really unusual showing up for bid, then sniping it away at the last second from some hapless pigeon. She scrolled down a list of jewelry items, nothing really catching her fancy until - wait! It flashed past on the screen, she stopped and backed up - there!

On the screen was a Egyptian cat's head pendant, made of hematite inlaid with gold with star sapphire eyes, on a gold chain. Selina was sure that she had seen it before. She glanced at the item description: "Estate Sale. My uncle collected a lot of stuff and this was found stashed in a drawer. Need money quick - no minimum bid." Probably a college student in need of some fast cash.

Finished with her dinner, Isis jumped onto her lap and cleaned her paws. Selina idly stroked her, examining the screen, then she suddenly stood up and went to a nearby bookcase, cat in hand. Isis sprang to the top of the case as Selina pulled out a tattered volume - _Great Robberies Of The 20__th__ Century _- that had caught her eye at used bookstore some time ago. Selina sat back at the computer, riffling through the pages until - she stopped. There it was, a nearly identical photo! She read the entry.

"Pendant of the Egyptian Cat-God Bast. The only item known to have been recovered from the Hoard of Tanis by Dr. Henry Jones, Jr., in 1936." _The Hoard of Tanis? It must be priceless!_ "This relic was stolen from the National Museum five years later and has not been seen since. Rumored to have mystic powers." _Hmp. They say that about any relic over a couple of thousand years old_, she thought.

She looked back at the computer screen. It was only then that she realized that the Bast pendant had been listed as a one day sale, and she had logged on when the auction had only fifteen minutes left! It must be about to expire! _Only two bids?_

Desperately, Selina clicked onto the item and was about to bid $20,000 when the screen went black -

Followed by her apartment and the entire city block.

"Damn!"

The power outage lasted only a minute, but by the time Selina was able to log onto eBay again, the auction was over; to add insult to injury, the winning bid was a mere $13.50.

Selina muttered, "No way in _hell_ is that pendant getting away from me!". She thought a minute, then keyed a number on her phone. "Nygma? Yes, I know it's late. You know that two thousand you owe me? Here's your chance to call it even. Listen, I need you to hack into eBay -" She gave him the auction number and the user name. " Find out who this, 'Queen Hecuba,' is. No, just the name and address. I'll take it from there. No, don't try to change the auction results, you're not _that_ good. I don't want to take the chance of you tripping their security systems."

"Great, Nygma," she said, a few minutes later, writing on a notepad. "And, Eddie? If you're thinking of cutting in on my caper - well, you've felt my claws before. Ta." Selina closed the connection.

She brought up the page again, then ripped the note off her pad. "Isis," Selina said, "I think a trip is in our future. How does Lawndale sound?" Isis walked back and forth between her legs and purred.

* * *

A few days later, Andrea came home from Lawndale High to find a package among the mail that her mother had left on the kitchen table. _Finally, _she thought. The Goth teen had decided that she needed a change from her ankh, but still something Egyptian to compliment her eye makeup. She was instantly drawn to the Bast pendant that turned up in eBay the first day she checked the listings. She was still amazed that there were so few bidders, and that she could have gotten it so cheaply.

Carrying the package to her room, Andrea opened the package and gasped. Nestled among the packing paper was the ebony cat's head. Its ears were sharp and pointed. Its eyes glittered in the evening sunlight as she drew it out of the box. _Perfect, _she thought. _It's the most exquisite thing I've ever seen!_

She stood in front of her mirror, removed the ankh and slowly drew the chain over her head, letting the pendant come to rest between her breasts. Chunky her figure may be, but the pendant complimented it perfectly. This_ is made for a low cut dress, _she thought._ Too bad I don't have any. _She spent a moment, fingering Bast's ears. _Maybe I'll have time for shopping after I get off work tonight, _she thought, noting that she only had a few minutes to eat before she had to leave for her afternoon job at Payday. For once she was glad that her parents had made her get the job.

Turning from the mirror, Andrea started to leave the room, then stopped. _Were the eyes - ? No, they weren't glowing; must be a trick of the light. _She felt her stomach growl, and banished the thought as she headed for the kitchen.


	2. Chapter 2

Angela Li looked up from her computer screen to the …woman sitting at the opposite end of her desk. O'Neill's nervous breakdown had left her short an English teacher, and the flu virus that was sweeping Lawndale had ravaged the available pool of substitutes, forcing her to hire from the outside. It was fortunate that this resume had arrived in her email yesterday; even more fortunate that this applicant was able to come over from Gotham City on such short notice.

Once again, Ms. Li looked over the files on the screen. She was desperate, and the applicant's willingness to take a salary smaller than normal made her more accommodating to listen to the applicant's unusual history and her equally unusual stature. "Mary…Dahl, is it? Ms. Dahl. What brings you to want to be a substitute teacher at Laaawndale High?

The figure in the chair fidgeted. Her gray pants suit was typical for someone in the teaching profession, and her half frame metal rimmed glasses was not out of place on her head which was draped with large soft curls. What was not typical was the fact that she was barely taller than three feet, and looked for all the world like a five year old girl.

"Well…I'll tell you the truth, Ms. Li. My acting career had engendered a love of drama in me that I realized during my last, um, confinement that I wanted to pass on to others…"

_What a load. It was boredom that made me go for that teaching certificate in the first place -I had to do something to keep my sanity while I was locked up in Arkham. I never thought that I would have any use for it; I mean, who would hire a two - time loser to be a high school teacher, let alone one that looked like she should be a child of one of the students? I don't even remember filing my resume with any school system. Why did I even come in for this interview? Li must be really desperate to consider a freakshow like me._

_Who am I kidding? I'm as desperate as she is. This is my last chance to make something of my life; to be known as something other than that idiotic brat Baby Doll._

"…and I hope that I'll have the opportunity to share my passion for classic literature, especially the Immortal Bard, with the students at your magnificent institution." _That should do it. Li looks like the type that likes it laid on thick._

Ms. Li stood up and leaned over her desk, hand outstretched. "Congratulations, Ms. Dahl!" she said as she shook the hand of the diminutive woman. "I believe that you are just the type of teacher that Laaawndale High needs!" _Here, ready to work, and cheap!_

"Just one thing," Ms Li said, "before I show you to your first class. I'm somewhat of a …fan of your old show, you know, 'Love That Baby,' and…"

Mary Dahl blanched. _Oh god, I knew it! That stupid catchphrase is going to follow me like a black cloud for the rest of my life! _

"I was just wondering if," Li continued, "You could just, you know say.. _It. _Just this once."

Mary Dahl, for a brief moment stiffened with rage. She thought of a dozen different ways she could maim this pompous ass standing in front of her and make it look like an accident. Then she remembered the Final Notice she received in the mail from her landlord this morning, and her features relaxed.

Bowing to the inevitable, she said, "sure, Ms Li." She shook her curls, touched her chin, and in the little girl voice that years ago made her the idol of millions, said, "I didn't mean to."


	3. Chapter 3

After Principal Li gave Ms. Dahl directions to her classroom, she closed the door behind her and went over to the picture window overlooking the Lawndale High campus. True, she could see more by studying the security monitors, but sometimes there was nothing like surveying things one's own eyes to give one a feeling of power.

_Another crisis averted_, she thought. _My efforts to keep Laaawndale High running smoothly never end…_ "Eh?" Her reverie was interrupted by the beeping of her phone.

She picked up the handset. "Principal Li here…Ms. Morris?" She checked the caller ID. "What are you doing at the infirmary?…Sprained ankle? The nurse says that you'll probably be out for two weeks? I don't have anyone else available to cover girl's gym!…Okay, go home, I'll see who I can get…Goodbye." She sat behind her desk and slumped. "Damn!" She said, slumping. The gods must be really enjoying themselves at my expense today.

Outside Ms. Li's office, the receptionist on duty buzzed the intercom. "Ms. Li, another applicant has shown up out here for the substitute English position. Shall I tell her it's been filled?"

A voice erupted from the speaker. "What? Wait! Does she know anything about PE? Gymnastics?"

The receptionist glanced back at the figure standing in the doorway, who merely nodded, a sly smile growing on her face.

"She says she does, Ms. Li."

"Don't just sit there! Send her in! Now!"

The receptionist closed the intercom and turned again to the applicant, who was brushing stray hairs from her jacket. "You can go in now, Miss Kitka," she said.


End file.
